writersfandomcom-20200222-history
Unkle Munky Pg 127
*Artist - Freemasons featuring Sophie Ellis Bextor. *Song - Heartbreak. *Videos prone to removal. ---- A Simple Case of Mishearing Liam from Burnley asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my email regarding the dubious charity request that my doctor recently made? Unkle Munky says -''' Dear Liam, Your GP informs me that you have six months to live, not six months to give. It would appear, on this occasion, that you simply misheard his counsel. I hope this has helped to alleviate any concerns on your part. ---- Introducing: Nana States She states the bleedin' obvious... This Week: '''Heatwaves. Unkle Munky says -''' What advice do you have for us this week, Nana States? Nana States replies - During a heatwave try to keep in the shade, wear sunscreen and drink lots of water. 'Unkle Munky says -' Wow. Thanks Nana. I had no idea. ---- Claim on a Plane? Ian from Cumbria asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I have just wasted two hours of my life watching a shit film called 'Snakes on a Plane'. With this in mind, I was wondering if I might be in a position to make a claim? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Ian, Claims already petitioned regarding this celluloid abomination have thus far proven unsuccessful. Had you sat through two hours of its prequel - 'Cakes on a Plane,' you may have been in with a chance. *Pictured: Samuel L. Jackson in the sequel to 'Cakes on a Plane'. ---- Celebrity Seesaw Challenge '''This Week: Beth Ditto Vs. Amy Winehouse. And the winner is... BETH DITTO! Unkle Munky says -''' Well done Beth! How was it for you? It was easy, Munky. All I had to do was sit there. She's as light as a feather. I knew I'd won from the moment I sat down! 'Unkle Munky replies -' Wow! That's great, Beth. Well done! Beth Ditto says - Thanks Munky 'Unkle Munky says -' Now, Amy? How was it for you? It was a fuckin' nightmare, Munky. I was up there for hours. She must weigh a ton. At the end of the day the heaviest girl won. I'm gutted. 'Unkle Munky replies -' Never mind, Amy. There's always next year. Amy Winehouse says - Yeah. yeah, whatever. ---- Munky's Twitterings '''Munky is now available on [http://twitter.com/UnkleMunky Twitter>>>] ---- The Big Book of Sticks Warren from Stevenage asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that fire can be created by rubbing two sticks together? I suspect my mate is pulling my plonker again and no mistake. Unkle Munky says -''' Dear Warren, I have consulted my 'Big Book of Sticks' and can confirm that, with patience and practice, fire can indeed be created by rubbing two sticks together. You might also be interested to note that stick insects often ignite when mating. ''Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky's assistant) says - You're so full of shit, Munky.''' '''Unkle Munky replies -' I think you'll find, Ms. Sickness, that I am full of bananas. ---- Bungle's Barely News ---- Swine Paul from Devon asks - Dear Unkle Munky, How can I tell if my pig has swine flu? 'Unkle Munky asks -' Dear Paul, If your pig has contracted said condition he will eventually come out in rasher's. Paul replies - I don’t think that’s very funny, Munky! I’ve a good mind take my agony elsewhere! Good day! ---- Please Wait ---- Supporting Our Olympian Friends Clare from Keele asks - Dear Unkle Munky, My boyfriend is currently practising for the 2012 Trampoline Olympics. I am worried, however, that he might not be getting enough support. What can I do? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Clare, Any reputable sports shop will be able to advise you with regards to a suitable jockstrap for your boyfriend’s testicular needs. Clare replies - Oh for god’s sake! I meant financial support, Munky! You really are shit at this agony business! ---- Next... Previous... More Munky Here>>> Munky's Twitterings>>>